Chimera's notebook

Spanking and wanking

2011-09-23T05:06:00.000-01:00

Well they rhyme.

For American readers wanking is masturbation. Well it is in England anyway.

Some people prefer to allow the man to DIY but then what are you going to do with him?

One thing is to tease and turn him on. For some reason rubbing baby oil over my breasts seems to do this but come on use your imagination. You can masturbate together. My only rule. You can look but you better not touch but I can touch you!

And another which I prefer is to *torture* his nipples. The more you torture them - start mild get rougher and rougher - the harder and more aroused he gets.

And finally of course spanking and wanking. Just imagine the sound of your hand falling on his bare flesh repeatedly both distracting him and enhancing his sex.

Carol's room

2010-01-30T04:02:00.000-01:00

This is one of the Kings Cross stories
(Of course the king's cross, the queen is such a frump!)
http://webspace.webring.com/people/wk/kingscrossuk/

Describe room
The room is lit with a harsh red light. On metal coat hangers on the walls there are various costumes, one is a nurse's uniform another appears to be made of black rubber.Describe objectsThe bed is a large double bed. On the bed there are:old towelsOn a bedside table there are:Plastic bottlesHandcuffsA roll of packing tapeIn the room there is:Carol
Examine Carol
Carol has been logged on to #RL for 09 hrs 34 minutes.
Visible exits are: bathroom

Carol was naked but she didn't look naked. She looked raw. The harsh red light which was supposed to conceal her age made her look as if she had been flayed alive.
Carol had "victim" written all over her. She also had the words "Professional Submissive" printed on her business cards.
She obviously wanted to tell Terry about something that was worrying her but she knew that would have to wait when he cut some black shiny packing tape and taped it over her mouth. Play first, then talk.
Carol obediently, if somewhat wearily, stood up and put her hands behind her back as Terry closed the handcuffs tightly onto her wrists.

Terry was silent. Carol knew from experience that he would be silent for the next hour of enjoyment. Carol didn't mind.
Terry's excitement was already apparent through his jeans. With Carol handcuffed and helpless his cock responded like the cock of a teenager.
Carol thought she was ready for anything which happened. Once the handcuffs were on she had to trust Terry anyway. Her only job was to realise when he wanted her to fight back and how much.
Rose observed Carol. Rose just watched. Rose felt none of Carol's pain. Rose had come into existence during Carol's childhood...between Carol's second and third BDSM sessions with her mother's lover.
While Carol was naked, gagged and handcuffed on the bed, Terry had gone through the door to the bathroom and turned on the taps. Carol wondered vaguely what he had in mind as he returned to the bed and forced her across his knee. Carol was justly proud of how much spanking she could take. The small room reverberated to the sound of Terry slapping at her...Carol detected that he wanted her to try to escape.
When Carol tried to wriggle free from Terry he seemed to become quite frenzied forcing his thumb inside her anus and holding her down on the bed as his other hand clawed...literally clawed...at her naked breasts...all the time the bath was filling.
Rose began to wonder calmly about the bath overflowing and how Carol would sort things out with the neighbours
Carol decided to struggle more...but not enough to dislodge Terry's thumb from inside her....Terry turned over Carol's raw naked body and gripped her ankles to force her legs apart. Handcuffed as she was, she could not resist him. Terry urgently forced his stiff cock inside her and said the one word he ever used for Carol during these sessions,. "Cunt."
Rose smiled inwardly as she confirmed Terry's urgency was due to the usual problem - forestalling premature ejaculation.
Terry withdrew from Carol and left his come dripping down her thigh. It was clear he had not finished however. The bath was almost full. Terry put his hands in Carol's hair and pulled her towards the bathroom. It was time for Carol to kick and struggle and be overcome by him. Terry was continually distracted from subduing Carol by a need to fondle and scratch and punish her naked breasts. Carols struggle grew weaker at such moments...

continued on
http://webspace.webring.com/people/wk/kingscrossuk /

Masturbation

2010-01-29T16:31:00.000-01:00

Everybody masturbates so when I find myself calling someone "wanker" I am probably engaging in self-abuse by proxy.

Contrary to what my mother told me, masturbation is safe sex.

And then there is the whole issue of bisexuality. If I normally have "normal" sex with people of the opposite sex, then when I masturbate I am having sex with someone of the same sex. Perhaps we are all bisexual too :)

Dishonourable discharge

2010-01-29T04:53:00.001-01:00

This comes from the writing project "Murder in Kings Cross"

Visualise a room
Room description
The tower is seriously weird. At whatever time you arrived here from the outside world it is always night here. It is lit by a red light which has no visible source. The ground is littered with objects, which you cannot see clearly.
Object Description
In the dim light you can see the outlines of objects, at least two of which are boxes., In the room there is: Shareth
Examine Shareth
Shareth the heartstealer has been logged on to Realms of Darkness for 20 minutes. Total login 12 days 16 hours 45 minutes

Shareth looked out over the Forest of Midnight. Soon an entire legion of her doomguard would sweep the forest to kill off the remnants of Luxor's army hiding among the trees.
Every one of the high command of the Doomguard - her father's army - was now sexually enslaved to Shareth the Heartstealer. They were all incapable of getting an erection without her icon before them..and her icon was as close as most of them would ever get!
Shareth smiled as she remembered that her guards had a prisoner waiting for her. He was chained naked in the torture chamber below and prepared for her visit. Prepared properly this time or the guards would suffer the same fate as the hapless helpless prisoner. Shareth smiled.
R
You cannot go right
E
You cannot go east
D
Shareth descends to the dungeon
The dungeon is walled with rough stone and is lit by a blazing fire. Two guards stand by the door In the room you can see
Luxor
Examine Luxor
Luxor is naked and chained to the wall. A wire attaches his manhood to the floor such that an erection will cause pain, more pain, followed by a-pain-ectomy, followed by death.
Luxor is wearing a collar
Examine collar
The collar is made of copper but lined with leather. It can be tightened by magic to garrotte the wearer. It cannot be removed.
Shareth put her hands to the clasp of her robe. She noted with satisfaction that the two doomguards lowered their eyes respectfully.
"Look at me!"she commanded and the eyes of the guards openly watched as the robe fell to the floor. Shareth was naked and smiling. These guards would join the ranks of those in her thrall. "And make sure the prisoner looks too."
The guards stood on either side of Luxor and held his eyelids open. The Moonprince had never seen any woman so beautiful nor had he ever been so sexually aroused by nakedness. Shareth's blonde hair fell behind her, not a wisp of it covered her full naked breasts which were revealed in the firelight. It was the expression on her face - a promise of sex and a mocking contempt for his lack of an erection which affected his senses most powerfully. An excruciating pain and a few drops of blood already dripping down his leg reminded him that he needed his mind on other things.
Shareth noted with satisfaction that Luxor's eyes were wide open of their own accord and probably nothing could make him close them now. She watched as his nipples darkened slightly. This game of arousal and pain and more arousal could go on for hours and hours and she loved it.
She moved closer to the prisoner. She stroked the palm of her hand upwards over her right breast. No power in the realm could have taken Luxor's eyes from her hand at this point. Her fingers lightly stroked the nipple.
She noted with satisfaction a slight tightening of the wire as Luxor's penis swelled and tried to stiffen, there was a darkening red mark.
She stood inches from Luxor as her hands caressed and stroked. Then suddenly her hands tightened on her breasts, the fingernails sinking into her naked flesh.
"Oh yes prince you can imagine doing this with your hands."
She looked at Luxor. He was a handsome figure..it almost seemed a pity...she smiled at the thought, pity was something she had read about in books but found nowhere inher native IceMark or here in Midnight.
The guards released the prisoner's eyelids. They knew nothing could close his eyes save death now. Luxor noticed every slight red mark on Shareth's naked body as he reached her hands to his nipples and teased them gently. She stroked Luxor's nipples with her long sharp nails.
The closeness of her naked body, her warmth, her perfume were irresistible as the growing pain in his nipples worked its inevitable magic on his cock and the wire tightened a little more.
Well pleased, the Heartstealer watched Luxor as his eyes devoured her nakedness. She stroked her body and he imagined doing the same. Her palms stroked her naked thighs and she looked into the Moonprince's eyes as she fingered her damp clitoris. Her damp fingers went where Luxor's stiffening cock was straining to go.
At her command one of the guards enthusiastically removed his uniform. Kneeling, Shareth smothered the guard's stiff hard cock with saliva, all the time glancing at Luxor's growing agony.
Shareth watched his pain and stroked the guard's cock with her tongue. She was allowing Luxor to imagine that tongue warmly covering his cock with saliva and flicking the tip of her tongue teasingly over the head of his cock. She looked in triumph at the Moonprince and .... the impossible happened.
Nobody. No lord. No doomguard. No commoner had ever resisted the enchantment of Shareth naked for even a split second. Yet here wwas the Moonprince, his cock becoming flaccid and his eyelids beginning to try to droop.
Shareth smiled as she brought her hands to her breasts to arouse the Moonprince's sagging interest. One command from her and...there were other ways to make a man's cock stiff and hard.
Her hand encountered the Moon ring and without thinking overmuch she slipped it on her damp index finger.
The world changed. Suddenly Shareth was looking at the room from a different angle. The gag prevented her from crying out as she suddenly realised she was staring out of the Moonprince's eyes and the seductive female form which she was looking at was her own.
Pain happened to her. Agonising excruciating pain

Click here for more of the same.

Sugasm

2008-03-30T05:23:00.001-01:00

Sugasm #124

Kimberly Kane courtesy of Pornsaints.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #125? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

In Which Penny Enjoys Her Bath

“In the bathroom, I flipped on the heater and shed my clothes.”

Just passing through

“I twitched under her stare.”

Kegal exercises on wet Monday afternoon

“Do you know what it’s like, to be buggered?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

WP/PHP Guru?

Editor’s Choice

More Traveling…

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

The Face - The Fall Of Eliot Spitzer

Let me clarify something…

On being a slut.

Regulating Prostitution and its various business models

Would You Pose Without Clothes?

Sex Humor

Lusty Leprechauns

BDSM & Fetish

Black Panties (a story)

Earning myself a spanking

A fun weekned

Goodness Gracious

HNT - Hidden Nipple Thursday

Riding the Wave

The Spiritual Significance of Spanking

Submissive?

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Blog Anniversary Contest Winners

Call for submissions: Theory and Practice

Dana DeArmond Stripped Of Her Name During Slave Training With Julie Night

Euphoric Tendencies - a review

Gianna Lynn Endures Water And Suffocation Bondage Underwater On Waterbondage.com

Get a Personal Shopper for Your Genitals

My First Review on Adult DVD Talk!

Pushers

San Francisco Fetish Ball 2008 Photos and Review

Erotic Writing and Experiences

A black shemale sucked my cock in Amsterdam

Captivating the college girl part one

Clandestine

Close Your Eyes

In His Pants

Leopard print: you just can’t beat it

Northern lights and sleepless nights

Wet Vagoo

You’re my pornstar (part 3)

Sex Advice

How Women Can Learn to Have an Orgasm with Intercourse

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Dahlia Grey by Andrew Blake

Exotic Jewel

Half-Nekkid in the Shower

Her Intentions Fall to the Floor

How do you like my cock?

Pornsaint Kimberly Kane

Spring Garden

Touch yourself - go on you know you want to.

2007-09-26T19:53:00.000-01:00

Here comes the Sun

2007-08-16T13:28:00.000-01:00

Learning objectives.

2007-05-01T18:33:00.001-01:00

Learning objectives.
You will enjoy this lesson.
* some pupils will enjoy it a lot
* some pupils will enjoy it a little
* some will fail to enjoy it altogether.

Now f*ck off Mrs OFSTED and let me get on with my job.

(Comment on a child pointing to the objectives on the board when OFSTED visited and asking "what the f*ck are those?")

Psychotherapy

2006-12-07T10:43:00.001-01:00

Another contribution from the writing project Kings Cross. The link is at the end so you can read it and then decide if you want to read more.
It is a brilliant writing project with a number of very very talented writers (looks modest, well about as modest as I get!)

Visualise a room

Room description
The room contains a bed, two lamps either side of the bed. On the wall is a picture of the face of a Thai girl taken from a magazine.
Object Description
You see nothing special. In the room there is: Mi Li
Examine Mi Li She is a short dark-skinned Thai girl of about twenty, dressed in her underwear and black stockings... Mi Li has been logged on to #RL for 06 hrs 04 minutes.
The phrase "as psychologically astute as a Thai prostitute" is not in common usage. It should be.
"Psychotherapist tell you what you need, working girl give it you." (Mi Li)
Victor opened the door onto an apparently empty hallway. Mi Li stayed behind the door until Victor was inside.
She looked at Victor as if she could not speak at all and gestured with her hand towards a doorway.
When Victor was inside the room Mi Li came very close to him "I am frighten you beat me up." Victor smiled and tried to look like the kind of guy who wouldn't beat her up. He fumbled with his wallet and handed over the money. Mi Li took the money without seeming at all interested in it. Her eyes never left Victor.
"You take off your clothe Victor." she said in a very soft timid voice. Mi Li smiled at Victor. Her eyes still seemed full of fear. Did she know that her fear and her childlike voice and stature were making Victor's cock strain against his pants? She playfully pulled once at his stiff cock through his pants before she left him to undress.
"You want massage Victor?"
Victor's heart (and his cock) sank at that word. It took him back to a massage parlour in the backstreets of Cardiff where they had different rates for the employed and unemployed. There had been a girl called, Victor couldn't remember what she was called. She positioned herself at the table so Victor could see her little breasts but not touch them. She had self-consciously, quickly and rather ineptly wanked him while looking at the poor-quality video and trying to encourage Victor to look at it too so he would not look at her. He felt resigned to disappointment.
Naked on the bed, Victor lay face-downwards. Mi Li kneeled beside him. Turning his head Victor could see Mi Li in the full-length mirror which occupied one wall. Her hand absentmindedly stroked her naked breast as she looked down at him. Next her hands began expertly massaging his shoulders. She looked down at Victor with apparent affection.
"You cold, Victor. I warm you."
She stroked her warm naked breasts over Victor's back, hard enough that Victor could feel her hardening warm nipples. She positioned her body casually so that the mirror caught everything, she did not seem to look in the mirror at all. She only had eyes for Victor. Her small hands travelled all over his back.
"You can turn over Victor." she whispered.
When Victor turned over Mi Li's black stockings and her close-shaven pussy filled his vision and his mind.
"You are allow to touch, Victor." she smiled.
Her closely shaven pussy felt like nothing Victor had ever felt before. She was small like a child but had the knowledge and the body of a very experienced compliant woman. The certainty grew that Victor had died and gone to heaven as he slid his cheek over the nylon stocking and his lips drew closer to her shaven more-than-naked cunt.
MiLi listened to the simulated sex on the video and precisely timed the stroking of Victor's hard cock with the cries of ecstacy of the girl in the film. Opening her legs for Victor to lick at her cunt and giving girlish cries of pleasure so obviously genuine compared with the girl on the video.

Sexslave

"Men want Thai girl as sexslave"Mi Li looked up at Victor as she said this. Her wrists were handcuffedto the head of the bed. and her ankles were also cuffed either side ofher hands....the cuffs were comfortable leather and they belonged to Mi Li.She breathed in. She breathed out "sexslave" all one word.Victor was shaving off the last wisps of pubic hair with an electricrazor. As the razor moved over her naked flesh the vibrations werearousing her.The lamplight made the moisture between her legs glisten.He ran his tongue over her clit. Again and again... sucked it betweenhis lips...I brushed it gently with his teeth...he wasin paradise again ... I don't think the Christian god approves this kind of thing....but Victor did.

His hand ran down the back of her leg...tense muscles..she let out a little yelp as histhumb broke in to her damp slick cunt...he shifted position and his stiff cock entered her...he took her naked warm brown breast in hand...her dark nipples were so hard...he squeezed gently ("Harder, Victor" she murmured) and he treated her breasts less and less gently as he came inside her....She looked in his eyes and pleaded "again"His cock stayed inside her as they kissed a long time as he felt his cock reviving, stiffening..again he toyed with her breasts gently...roughly...gently again...really roughly...She had a string of green glass beads by the bed...Victor inserted them one by one into her anus looped the string around his hand....and at the exact moment he could feel her cunt tighten because she was coming he pulled them all out.When he released her wrists and ankles she wrapped her arms and legs around him "sexslave" she whispered in his ear. She closed her eyes and very softly murmured, "master".

This comes from the writing project Kings Cross

Back to School

2006-09-09T04:43:00.000-01:00

Those "back to school" adverts in Sainsbury's since the beginning of August have finally carried out their threat and I am back. Sorry to all the ppl who emailed me during August but I was elsewhere. I am here now to discuss your little problems (and in one case your rather large and interesting problem!)

And how about the guy who emailed me to say he could give me a bigger penis in ten weeks? Good luck with that!

Kelly Osbourne has been getting into bed with Tony Blair - now there is an image to cherish - a bit like Clarke getting into bed with Milburne. All metaphorical - or so they tell us.

I have had a lot of correspondence from Sugasm which deserves credit for a lovely name. My next post will be submitted to Sugasm - see if they like it.

mfms - that is pronounced muffums (as in "ooh muffums do it again!") and means more from me soon.

You know who you are!

2006-08-09T04:36:00.000-01:00

I would like to blindfold you and wait until your cock is hard (come on get a move on!) and then play gently with your nipples...and then less gently ... harder and harsher....and then just as you are wanking and making yourself come for me...scatch my nails over your tummy leaving bright red marks...

Waddayasay?
1) Yes?
2) Yes Please?
3) Yes please Mistress?

Sugasm

2006-08-02T03:53:00.000-01:00

Sugasm is self-explanatory. Lots of erotic writers promoting each other.
And look who is included in this week's!

Mr. Sugasm himself The New Wave of Porn Star Hookers (http://www.sugarbank.com)
BDSM and Fetish Sweet Torture (http://xantasia.blogspot.com)
Sweet and Dirty (http://tangysweet.blogspot.com)
A Spanking Interlude (http://www.spankingwriters.com)
Spanked Again! (http://everythingoze.blogspot.com)
Punishment vs. Discipline (http://www.alternativealbany.com/bdsm/)
A Lesson in the Fine Art of Whipping (http://designingintimacy.blogspot.com)
I feel slightly better and get the brush and the paddle… Hmmmm (http://spankingkatiespades.blogspot.com)
A Gift (http://thebinside.blogspot.com)
Frugal Kink: The $25 Toy Bag (http://www.dangerousfemme.com)
D is for Daddy (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)
****LOOK****Carol’s room (http://assistantmistress.blogspot.com) ****LOOK****
Erotic Writing and Experiences
What a girl has to do… (http://dawnndirty.blogspot.com)
Virginal Cherry (http://femmefataleteen.blogspot.com)
Touched, for the very first time (http://faltenin.blogspot.com)
Surprise (I) (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
Sunday Confession (http://wetbeyondbelief.blogspot.com)
Sexual Exploration (http://sexyukgirl.blogspot.com)
The Return of the Lawyer (http://www.suchnonsense.com)
Outside (http://bdsmlover.blogspot.com)
More Sugasm Join the Sugasm

Sugasm links

2006-07-27T23:55:00.000-01:00

NSFW Pics HHNT!!!!!!Â (http://melanaise.blogspot.com)
I Feel Myself, I Really Do : ) (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com)
Porn Week Vacation (http://www.internetisforporn.com)
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships The Anticipation (http://wanklog.blogspot.com)
Being Submissive (http://ww2.alternativealbany.com/bdsm/)
Late night deviantÂ (http://xxgraciexx.blogspot.com)
Mmm Tentacle-y (http://shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)
My Orgasm and Sexual Desire Secrets (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)
RANT: On the Rag with The Goddesses (http://cuntinglinguist.blogspot.com)
Self image is a wonderful thing, most of the time (http://seanandmel.blogspot.com)
Tag - Past Love - Story 2 - Self-discovery and Healing (http://dawnndirty.blogspot.com)
Those damn slutty bisexuals (http://www.dangerousfemme.com)
Sex News Bush for “Products and Services,” Not Birth Control (http://www.taratainton.com) Gay Gamers are Coming Out of the Closet (http://sugarjoy.com) Next Door Nikki on Jerry Springer (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)
There's Got To Be A Joke Here Somewhere (http://tgp.com)
BDSM and Fetish Guessing Games
(http://eroticaetcetera.com/blog/)
How about a cookie (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)
Isabella’s Eyes - Part IV (http://nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com) Spanking at t'mill (http://www.spankingwriters.com)

Unusual hobbies

2006-06-20T19:48:00.000-01:00

Unusual hobbies is the latest survey being conducted by the TES.

Well Backgammon and phone or netsex (online mutual masturbation; usually with a vibrator)...not perhaps at the same time though. It sets up interference patterns and ruins your game.

Illegal immigrants and their employers

2006-05-26T21:32:00.000-01:00

If employers are paying way below the minimum wage to illegal immigrants they cannot claim not to know what they are doing. Perhaps it is the rich bastards who should be hounded, hated and prosecuted.

Just a thought

Illegal immigrants

2006-05-26T21:28:00.000-01:00

Feminise me miss!

2006-03-23T14:14:00.000-01:00

A correspondent on the TES website complained that children are badly behaved because of the "feminised atmosphere of primary school."

Now there is a young man I would like to discipline...or possibly feminise?

Sugasm

2006-02-24T05:15:00.000-01:00

Well I like the look of http://sugasm.com/

And there are a series of links following which interested me:

Queens and Holy Bitches (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com…)
Removal Procedures (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com…)
The Seduction (barelace.blogspot.com…)
Sex in Libraries: An Introduction (lumpesse.com…)
Shopping Trip (mnsss.blogspot.com…)
Slave For A Day (talkingdirty.blogspot.com…)
Smells Like Vanilla (sabrinainstockings.com…)
“St (Censored) Day…” (chaosnoir.blogspot.com…)
The Ten Commandments (theholidaylife.blogspot.com…)
“This bed is on fire with passionate love.” - Part 1 (eternalapprentice.blogsome.com…)
What Turns You On - Part 1 (seskuality.com…)
You Own Me (secretsofadirtygirl.blogspot.com…)
Another Canceled Race (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com…)
Chocolate Ecstasy (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com…)
Coach T… Chapter 5 (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com…)
Confessions of a Valentine’s Day Virgin (sexeteria.blogspot.com…)
Domme Visit Part I (nycbdsm.blogspot.com…)
Don’t… (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com…)
Ex Libris Eroticis (sexblo.gs)
How To Work With Eastern European Models (sugarbank.com…)

Sabrina in Stockings

2006-02-20T17:20:00.000-01:00

http://sabrinainstockings.com

Wow. I didn't know there was anyone like this with a blog. It is way saucier than anything I have written. And she is complimentary about my blog. How perfect is that?

So go along and have a peek at Sabrina in stockings and then come right back here.

Fan fiction

2006-02-20T16:58:00.000-01:00

Fanfiction is great fun. We have all done it, fantasised about characters in our favourite stories in book, film or on TV. All fan fiction does is share it. What is termed "slash fiction" is the cheeky end of fan fiction!

Here is an example based on Smallville which is a juvenile show basically about a young Superman.

http://www.smallvillefanfic.com/archive/0/jilling.html

Anne Rice has a big issue with fan fiction and gets her lawyers to contact anyone who writes fan fiction about her characters. This is a pity because her "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy is among the best BDSM fiction around. And it is of course based on characters created by Perrault. Oops.

OFSTED trails

2006-02-11T19:26:00.000-01:00

Jonny Rotten on the TES board wrote:
Every dealing I have had with OFSTED has left me feeling abused, disgusted and increasingly cynical about a bureacratic agency whose prime objective is, to my eyes, not to improve the quality of education, but to fulfil their own agenda - to be seen to be improving education. This agenda can also be political, part of an LEA's shadowy objective, or simply a basic need to retain their own jobs. After all, OFSTED seek to raise standards; standards are raised. What need then for OFSTED? So, hey, let's change the goal-posts and thus retain jobs for another four years! Hoorah!
I am also offended by their cheap ASDA suits. Call the fashion police, OFSTED, you are maggots!And of course, every OFSTED inspector (and this goes for HMI as well) should ask themselves the question: why would I seek to judge my peers? What makes me so damned superior? But then, yes, observing a 20 minute slot of a lesson definitely gives a complete overview of a teacher's ability to teach. What a farce.The one good aspect of every inspector is that when one enters a school in stealth mode (i.e. to try and catch somebody out), at least you always know they're around - after all, you can see the trails they leave. Just like slugs. :)

Comments

2006-02-04T10:35:00.000-01:00

Thanks to everyone who comments on these pages. Slow learner put in a comment and I was slow to reply my little sagittarian rat. Slow learner seems to have an id but not a blog where I could in turn leave a comment. Replying to comments isn't straightforward is it? If you email me at chimera_power (at) yahoo.co.uk we can discuss your problem and various interesting solutions. Have a jar of vaseline handy.

Your waters have broken

2006-02-02T15:13:00.000-01:00

A science teacher came in at break in a state of hysterics. A pupil had managed with great cunning to construct a water bomb in the lab and then surreptitiously conealed it about her person inside her jeans. The inevitable happened as she was halfway down the stairs and water cascaded all over the inside of her jeans.
As she was screaming, her friend sympathetically said, "shall I phone the ambulance love, yer waters ave broken."

Extraordinary Breastfeeding

2006-02-02T14:46:00.000-01:00

Channel 4 had "Extraordinary Breastfeeding" immediately followed by "Desperate Housewives" :) What is all that about?

I think it's a free country and there are enough naked tits in every newspaper so people ought not to be shocked. I was bemused by the guy who objected to women breastfeeding on the grounds that it would encourage "them paedomaphiliacs". Nobody thought to ask him which newspaper he read, or if he could read at all poor chap.

Mark Oaten

2006-01-24T20:29:00.000-01:00

Mark Oaten's lover said he loved being humiliated. Well he is in the right party for that sort of thing.

IT is a pity Oaten's website still has the story, Prostitution strategy a missed opportunity Obviously our Mark didn't miss his.

Also he really didn't think fast enough did he. Should have claimed he was doing research.

And yes it is a scandal that a gay affair is thought of as worse than a straight one.

Amateur porn

2005-12-25T07:19:00.000-01:00

The UKTV history channel had a program about amateur porn. Apparently it accounts for 10 percent of the market now and I can imagine professionals will start trying to make their videos look more "amateur". From the footage they showed it does seem a cut above the professional stuff because it shows people enjoying themselves and enjoying videoing it. Most pro porn has people who are going through the motions for the money and this spoils it.They interviewed a journalist who persuaded his girlfriend the only way to research it was .... oh you guessed... and he and she talked about what a turn on it was for them. Now I am a great believer in research :)
History channel though? It was the best porn I have seen on the TV!

And Yultide greetings to one and all: eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. (or feel like death!)

Every day orgasm

2005-12-18T05:52:00.000-01:00

It is a good idea to come every day. It is the modern equivalent of an apple a day for sexual health. And (I hear you cry) you don't always have a sexual partner willing or energetic enough for sex every day. This is true.

So we are back to jacking and jilling. Jacking is good for preventing premature ejaculation caused by overexcitement. You have already come once today you will not come all over your girlfriend's expensive dress. Or at least it is less likely. Also those of you who have a problem getting the red army to invade the old peninsula will find that a jack a day keeps mr floppy at bay.

And jilling? Who needs a reason? But it is good to keep your hand in. Or your vibrator depending on your mood. Hello little wabbit, who's a naughty bunny then?

Jill live from Arizona

2005-12-11T07:05:00.000-01:00

There is a woman in Arizona who sets up her webcam by the bed each night, strips, lies on the bed and masturbates. She uses vibrators of various sizes, some improbably large which she manages with panache and a big big smile.

She constantly monitors the image on the screen and adjusts it accordingly. As far as I can tell this is just a public service she does and she isn't paid for it.

Good for her! It is not something I have any plans to do myself but it's a free country. It is an adults only free site she uses. In this instance free does actually mean free: they don't ask for your credit card details etc.

The personal is political

2005-11-20T06:08:00.000-01:00

So if the personal is political, a thing David Blunkett took a little too literally perhaps, are jacking and jilling (abbreve for male and female masturbation and so much nicer than wanking imho) political acts?

As usual email me with suggestions. I have changed my email to chimera_power(at)yahoo.co.uk. And I will make the point that suggestions do not have to contain photos of your penis. This is a fairly obvious point but one which somebody (you know who you are!) does not seem to have realised.

Oh and by the way "all politicians are wankers" - we know, get over it and move on.

The Whys of Men

2005-11-17T17:55:00.000-01:00

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because
they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't
have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE
EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and
they vapor lock (You're laughing, aren't you?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so
they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a
rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT
DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened)

(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator
can't mow the lawn)

Of course I am not a blonde :)

Name a famous Belgian?

2005-10-17T02:16:00.000-01:00

Well Rene Magritte of course. "Attempting the impossible" in which an artist in a suit tries to create the object of his sexual desire from nothing is just a lovely piece of cleverness.....or it problematises the objectification of women in art...yer pays yer money and yer takes yer choice. Mind you look at that fat erect brush in his other hand...sheesh!

He also liked apples and smoked a pipe...or was it really?

Incidentally Blogger seems to have issues with uploading images so you may be unable to see the picture...another layer of complexity!
http://assistantmistress.atspace.com/rene.htm

Enid Blyton and the BNP

2005-10-05T19:25:00.000-01:00

I have no idea why people think Enid Blyton is a bit out of touch with modern views. I mean she wrote the following:
"Once the three bold golliwogs, Golly, Woggie, and Nigger, decided to go for a walk to Bumble-Bee Common. Golly wasn't quite ready so Woggie and Nigger said they would start off without him, and Golly would catch them up as soon as he could. So off went Woogie and Nigger, arm-in-arm, singing merrily their favourite song -- which, as you may guess, was Ten Little Nigger Boys."

It would be at home in any up to date BNP primer.

Ditching the monarychy

2005-10-05T04:26:00.000-01:00

What if it made no difference? Buckingham Palace would be technically a presidential palace, the president would have no greater powers than the monarch and if the monarchists are right and everybody loves the Queen she would be re-elected every four years. Of course it would mean President Charles and First Lady Camilla would be out of the question but it would be a triumph of reason or good old British common sense.

And if the country becomes a fascist state look out for President Michael of Kent!

Much Ado about nothing

2005-09-25T04:55:00.000-01:00

There has been a big hoo hah in the Telegraph and the Mirror started by someone called Vanessa saying teachers discriminate against pupils called Paige or Troy. This really is ridiculous. All teachers talk about pupils but it is a lie that "teachers" in general discriminate against pupils based on their names. Some Gavins are nice some Gavins are nasty.

Not all Vanessas are disingenuous and lazy.

The three balloons

2005-09-20T04:34:00.000-01:00

There were once three balloons. Mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon and they bought a new bed. It turned out the bed was too small so baby balloon let a little air out of daddy balloon but it wasn't enough, so he let a little air out of mummy balloon but it still wasn't enough so he let a lot of air out of himself so they could fit into the bed and get a good night's sleep.

However in the morning mummy balloon pointed her finger at him and said, "You've let your father down, you've let me down, but most of all you've let yourself down!"

A correspondent writes

2005-09-17T04:36:00.000-01:00

One correspondent wrote:

"Be careful, seriously. I understand that heavy vibrator use can cause nerve damage. Certainly wouldn't want you to go numb in your playhouse. You certainly sound very hot for 43. That is fantastic. Some ladies have given it up by then."

I won't take his name in vain but it prompts these thoughts:

A vibrator never asks your age.

I don't use a heavy vibrator :)

Some men can cause a lot of "nerve damage" too.

The rest of his message was lovely (and a bit personal) but "playhouse"? Oh you mean The Globe? The playhouse for me is the mind, the most important erogenous zone of them all. However the "playhouse" to which he alludes is in perfect working order thanks for the concern :)

Many a true word

2005-09-16T16:00:00.000-01:00

Well it is not often Sky News publishes the truth and then only by accident!

The best MUDs

2005-09-13T20:28:00.000-01:00

The best MUDs are hosted by talker.com and accessed by telnet...also probably the worst...it depends what you like.

telnet talker.com followed by the number usually four digits like 7700 or 9900

telnet: talker.com:9900
telnet: talker.com:7700

If you are determined not to enjoy it - hey you can do that too. It caters for all tastes that way.

This is in response to a query on the TES website.

Zahra

2005-09-11T15:13:00.000-01:00

Zahra is a remarkably easy name to remember. She is quite rightly upset that I couldn't.

I get pissed as they say in the states (or pissed off as they say in the UK) when ppl can't get their tongues round mine so I appreciate your ire. Hugh Grant used to have the same problem until he met Divine Brown.

And thanks to all the commenters I will be getting in touch with some of you personally, very personally in some cases.

Chimera!
(I do like people who remember my ! )

Vibrators are better than men because...

2005-09-09T19:52:00.000-01:00

they don't make you sleep in the wet patch and snore loudly afterwards

you can put long life batteries in them

a man can't vibrate 800rpm and stay hard

men's willies don't come in a variety of colours and styles with opitional sparkly bits (last time I looked anyway) and you can't keep them down the side of the bed for that unexpected moment of passion.:-) (not exactly ten words or fewer but I liked it anyway)

They don't want to stay up late and watch the football

you can have as many as you like and they won't get jealous

they don't care how much that outfit cost or whether you have cellulite

they won't run off with your best mate and are always around when you need them

they do not expect you to do anything at all for them and are content with the attention just being on yourself...

because it's always there and able to perform.

Dissenting opinions:A vibrator wont buy a round of drinks.Change the oil filter in your car or kill spiders for you.

(actually I kill my own spiders - CP)

have you ever had a vibrator bring you a cup of tea in the morning?

Thanks to Zahra (and Zarah), bethylou, Andy.Pipkin (I didn't actually use his quote but I feel like sucking up to him....mmmmm) , slinki malinki (special mention for having the best username), littlebuggers, Tommy77, moonpenny,Tidal_toag, Flutterby Kid Nohair webturtle(Webturtle wins btw but the only prize is being told "Webturtle wins")

The superiority of vibrators

2005-09-09T04:40:00.000-01:00

Complete the following well known phrase or saying:
A vibrator is better than a man because......
using ten words or less.
This is the challenge I will present to the TES later today and any good results will be published here.

they don't leave their socks on the floor springs to mind.

Jilling and cybersex

2005-08-30T05:30:00.000-01:00

Jilling is the sexiest thing ever. I met a nice girl on CP who was really interested in being tied up and we talked through a scene and just went on piling on details until we were both quite excited and damp. The idea of being helpless and naked and then being tickled and spanked makes her very sexually aroused. She said when she jills she will be thinking of being tied up naked and helpless and tormented by yours truly. It was very hot and steamy.

I know there are people who do this kind of thing for a living. Yahoo seems to have thousands of them. How much better when it is real people enjoying themselves together online. Also cheaper :)

The most important erogenous zone.

2005-08-29T05:48:00.000-01:00

Well this blog will serve as a quicker way of adding to my notebook.

I have rejoined Crystal Palace - that is the MUD not the football team. I have ahem come across a nice young man I shall call O and we will see what develops.

Cybersex is still the best type for me, it does not involve having to politely remove someone (and his socks!) from the flat in the early hours and it fully engages the most important erogenous zone - the brain :)